How many people have been dating someone great and have all of a sudden heard the phrase, "I don't do relationships" or "We can't continue to the way things were because we want different things"? Now who has been the one who said those things to someone that you really cared about but you thought you were doing what was "right" at the same time?
The way our minds can sometimes play tricks on us is a trip. Our minds will have us thinking all sorts of bizarre catastrophes, but our hearts, our hearts know what is best for us when it comes to things like love. However, due to unrealistic society standards placed upon us and/or getting hurt in the past, some of us choose to live a life that deep down inside we are not completely satisfied with.
Love for one has a funny way in creeping up on you at the most unexpected times, and if you're a person who has for some reason decided prior to this amazing person coming into your life that you enjoyed the bachelor/bachelorette life, then when this occurs it can be scary. You now start to have worries about this person that you didn't have before. Why? Because of you mind. This how your mind plays tricks on you, so now in reality, you really do want to be with this person, but your mind is like, "Nah, remember the last time?! You're going to loose your independence. You're going to be miserable! Etc, etc". Then on the flip side, your heart is assuring you that it will be okay and to take a chance.
Your mind will also have you thinking misconceptions about this person that you really do care about and that you want in your life. This person may have been patient with you, understanding and most of all there as a friend, even when you were dating.
"Relationships are based from friendships. Aside from the dating aspect, you are friends first. And friends should be comfortable to tell each other anything."
If you're that person that is just so conformed to this "single life" but you know it's uncomfortable and deep down you don't want it, but you just don't think relationships are for you, then evaluate these questions below and answer them to yourself.
Are you enjoying being single because you been single for so long and it's just what works for you at the time being? (In life, in order to succeed in anything, love, career, success in general, we have to get out of our comfort zones. Nothing great ever comes from comfortability)
Are you enjoying being single because most of your friends are single? (So if they all jumped off the cliff to their death, will you do the same?)
Are you enjoying being single because you think your freedom will be gone? (Do you know how many people in serious relationships and marriages take girls trips and guys trip away from their spouses? You always need a little "me time" away from the boo in order to have a healthy relationship. Being attached to each other is unhealthy).
Are you enjoying being single because your last relationship and certain dating encounters were demanding, so you have this unrealistic and flawed belief that most men/women are the same to a certain degree relationships will also pretty much be like your last...eventually? (Every relationship is truly different. And the connection that you have with this person may be totally different than the next, and then some people there is no connection at all, then there's that person where the connection is unexplainable but because of your personal "stance" you refuse to really let that person all the way in).
So here's why you should take a chance. If the person that has been patient with you:
Is at the point to where he/she just want to really re-build that friendship with you.
Highly values the friendship that you have, even while you dated each other.
You have fun with that person and simply enjoy being with him/her.
That person never pressured you asked about "the title" while dating because he/she just simply enjoyed your company.
He/she developed a love for you and cared for you without you guys ever having sexual intercourse, but he/she just loved you simply for being you.
He/she is has always been supportive, inspiring and caring and you see this person as someone special despite any misunderstandings that the two of you may have had.
So what are you waiting for? If a special someone matches the above statements, go after that person while they are still there! Enjoy the nourishment of the friendship and has it naturally blooms into something else, don't run again because once you run the second time, you may never get another chance.
In order to be successful and move forward towards progression in life, whether it be love, career, or any goal...you MUST get out of your comfort zone. Sorry to say, nothing EVER comes to those that choose to stay comfortable but stagnancy. In 2019, step out on faith in everything and watch how much at peace and happier you’ll be. Don’t be conformed to what society tries to place on you.
Naomi K. Bonman is the founder and editorial director of Purposely Awakened, a digital media agency for millennial activist and change agents of color. A digital media maven at heart, Naomi is also a journalist, screenwriter and digital content creator. Originally from Southern California, Naomi received her B.A. in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism from Clark Atlanta University and her Masters of Public Administration from Keller School of Management of DeVry University.