After cleaning up the empty tissue boxes and throwing out the ice cream containers time and time again, you have to ask yourself, is it them or you?
Often, we place blame on the other person. The relationship did not work out because he/she was too needy or clingy. They wanted more than you could give. They did not meet everything on the proverbial “list.” We never take the time to examine ourselves to see why we end up in so many failed relationships. Is it really the other person every time?
In some cases, it may be the other person, but it may by YOU. Think back to each of your relationships and how they have ended. Is there a pattern? Do you seem to hear the same complaints about yourself? Are you the same in each relationship? You cannot apply the same action and expect a different result. This is not science. It is love. It is emotion. It is great sex! Granted, each person is different, which means we all react in different ways.
First, you have to know and love yourself before you can be the person that your partner needs you to be. In the beginning when you are courting it is exciting. You are getting to know one another. It is like buying a new car. The new car smell is great, but after a while the scent wears off and you are left with the same old funk. Now you are driving around looking at other new cars remembering when that was you, and wishing it could be you all over again. That does not necessarily mean that there is anything wrong with the car, but the excitement has dwindled down. Are you just chasing the feeling or are you really looking to be in a relationship?
Well, sometimes it can be that you always read way too far into thing; over reacting and analyzing over every little detail because of your own insecurities. This does nothing but make you stressed, miserable and up tight; you ultimately end up sending yourself to an early grave. We are all guilty of bringing our baggage from a previous relationship into our new one. This act is unhealthy and unfair to both of you, as well as your union.
Here are some solutions:
It can be a humbling experience to stop yourself in your tracks when you hear that voice of reason. It is important to listen to it and ask yourself if your behaviors are likely to help or harm the relationship. Be willing to approach your partner and acknowledge any wrongdoing. Apologize when you were wrong.
You will likely find that it will help settle disagreements much faster. You will likely cause less damage to the relationship. You will also find that when you start behaving more rationally, faster, you think more clearly and become more productive.
When a situation arises, think things through, everything is not always as it seems.
Try to see things from the other person’s perspective.
Many of us are taught to believe that therapy is evil, and there was no need to tell your business to people, but it helps to have an unbiased opinion or perspective on things.
Communication and honesty are keys to a healthy and happy relationship.
Perhaps that person is just not the right person. Maybe you are not right for that person. You cannot always look at things one-sided, thinking that you have to find the right person for you. You have to remember that the other person is searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right just like you.
Naomi K. Bonman is the founder and editorial director of Purposely Awakened, a digital media agency for millennial activist and change agents of color. A digital media maven at heart, Naomi is also a journalist, screenwriter and digital content creator. Originally from Southern California, Naomi received her B.A. in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism from Clark Atlanta University and her Masters of Public Administration from Keller School of Management of DeVry University.